I yearn to create that bubble of passion, which draws us into the moment and connects us to the energy of the universe. And I cherish, more than anything, the moment in bed right after the first time, when all that there is to hold on to has been given.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Shallow Man Diaries (Part 13): What I Love About Women
I love women. I love women’s laughter. I love their lips, their hips, their skin, their touch, the way their faces look when they’re in the throes of sexual ecstasy. I love the way they nurture, feel, care, intuit, understand unconditionally.
Stephanie Seymour Topless
80’s supermodel, ageless beauty, perennial beach bum and now MILF Stephanie Seymour taunts gravity yet again.
Axl Rose was a fool to ever give this up!
P.S. Stephanie can never do wrong in my eyes ever since she wore that hot mullet wedding dress with the black pantyhose in the November Rain video.
Every Bone Ever Broken By Steven Seagal
Oh, snap!
That’s really just a surprising amount of broken bones!
Paris Hilton: “I Can’t Stand Black Guys”
HILTON: I went out with that guy last night.
AUTHOR: Which guy?
HILTON (points to an actor in “Saving Private Ryan”): We were making out, but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw that he was black and made an excuse and left. I can’t stand black guys. I would never touch one. It’s gross. (pauses). Does that guy look black to you?
AUTHOR: How black does a guy have to be?
HILTON: One percent is enough for me.
I honestly can’t tell what stands out more here: The fact that the Hiltons apparently still own slaves, or the almost supernatural chameleon qualities of Vin Diesel’s ethnicity. Because seriously, what is that guy? It’s almost as if God took the body of Adonis and said, “And now you shall be above all stereotypes, but in return you’ll have to make a bunch of movies about cars that go ‘VROOM’.”
Hot Slut of the Day: Helen Staudinger
1. Know my way around a brown Sharpie
2. Have crazy on my side
3. Am passionate when it comes to the game of love
4. Just don’t give a fuck
5. Am not a good shot
You see, Helen’s neighbor, 53-year-old Dwight Bettner, refused her a kiss when she asked for one at his home in Ocala, Florida last night.
Helen did what any horny 92-year-old with eyebrows like a pony’s tail would do. She went home, grabbed her gun and shot at his carport four times. One of the bullets was just inches away from hitting Dwight.
Dwight told police that he screamed at Helen to “get the fuck out of his house” when she asked for some lip action. Helen knows Dwight has a girlfriend, but she believes he belongs to her. Helen was arrested and charged with discharging a gun at a home.
Somebody better get a camera crew down to the jailhouse in Ocala, because I bet Helen does the best rendition of “Cell Block Tango” EVER!!!
And when Dwight comes running into Helen’s carport to get that kiss (which he will), she better raise her pristine brow and tell him to get the fuck out of her house!
The moral of the story: DON’T FUCK WITH OLDIES!
And if you think I’m making this up, click on the link for the full story: MyFoxDFW
Four Words: Pole Dancing For Jesus
If the intermission during Sunday service included a pole dancer sliding around a crucifix on the altar, I would totally reserve a seat in the first pew every single week!
Checc out this report from MyFox Houston of an ex-stripper named Crystal Deans (that’s a really hot name) who teaches her fellow churchgoers how to work the pole IN THE NAME OF JESUS!
Crystal is trying to wash away the stigma of pole dancing and says they are just working out…IN EXQUISITE LUCITE HEELS. I’ve always said that Lucite is made from the distilled tears of angels, so Crystal is doing everything right! Can I get an AMEN?!
And can I also get a lap dance in the confessional? And do I put a dollar in her G-string or just throw it in the basket?
Sweet baby Jesus, Joey is going to Hell!
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