The autopsy on Whitney Houston’s body will happen sometime today and we probably won’t know her official cause of death until those toxicology reports come back, but TMZ has put their tiny camera on the back of their trained fly and sent it into Whitney’s room at the Beverly Hilton to find out what happened yesterday afternoon.
Their source says that Whitney always took Xanax before a big performance to help numb her nerves a bit. Whitney was supposed to sing at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party last night and so she took a few Xanax. Then she decided to take a bath while her hairdresser, stylist and two bodyguards were in the next room.
Whitney’s team realized she was in the tub for a long time and so her stylist knocked on the door. There was no answer, so her stylist went into her bathroom and found her unconscious. Whitney’s face was completely underwater and it looked like she had slid under after falling asleep. The stylist called for one of Whitney’s bodyguards and he pulled her out of the tub, but it was too late. KEVIN COSTNER, YOU HAD ONE JOB TO DO AND YOU LET US ALL DOWN!
Radar says that none of the bad shit was found in Whitney’s room, but they did find Lorazepam, Valium, Xanax and some sleeping medication. Of course, none of this has been confirmed and it’s only information whispered into TMZ’s ears as a manila envelope filled with a stack of cash passed under the table.
As for Bobby Brown’s ass, he found out about Whitney’s death a few hours before a New Edition show in Mississippi. Bobby B went on anyway and after he got on stage, he said, “I love you, Whitney” as he pointed at the ceiling.
And the Grammys had a tribute to Whitney. Jennifer Hudson and Chaka Khan each sang something. My dream of Cousin Dionne taking the stage to curse us all out for this is not going to happen. Dionne Warwick is inconsolable and is with the entire Houston family today.
I’m glad I’m not a Fecophiliac because last night’s drinking and my hard living (coupled with my diet), made for some really horrible early morning bathroom experiences that I’d hate to be faced with if eating my own shit was my thing. You know, like being served a steak the size no single human should ever eat, but the guy who loves steak just can’t refuse. You get what I’m saying, right?
That’s why I want to go back to my dream of being a hot girl’s pair of panties for a day. I’m seriously hoping modern science gets us to that point in technology in my lifetime…
STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!
Anyhoo, here’s a video of Sunshine Cruz getting dicked in her poophole in the classic movie masterpiece “Dukot Queen.” Enjoy, pervs!
Here are some Valentine’s Day-inspired pictures of Jennifer Nicole Lee in some lingerie to remind you that if you’re alone this Season of Hearts because you’re unlucky with women, don’t beat yourself up over it or cry or commit suicide.
Remember that just around the corner is a tranny prostitute who will fuck you up the ass for cash…or even for free…because trannies are way less picky. Like you, they just seek acceptance for being different. And when you scrape away all the girl hair and girl make-up, you got yourself a dude who you can relate to on a dude level, without all the girl bullshit.
Now most of you don’t know who Jennifer Nicole Lee is, and that’s probably a good thing, but in case you’re wondering, she’s some fitness model bitch who’s always topless or in thongs or in bikinis…because like all trannies, she seeks attention, glamour and fame.
Actress Reese Witherspoon caused quite a stir among the horny masses yesterday when she showed up to the premiere of her new movie “This Means War” with her old lady breasts nearly hanging out as you can see in the photo on the right.
How quickly the people forget that Reese Witherspoon has already exposed her bare breasts, and she did so when she was much younger and thus more attractive. As you can see in the comparison photo on the left, Reese’s saggy chesticles from yesterday are just a shadow of their former glory.
This is because the Supreme Being, in His infinite wisdom, causes a woman’s body to be severely ravaged by time, so that us men will not be needlessly attached to dried up old hags like Reese Witherspoon when we should be out breeding with young fertile women. He truly is a wise and benevolent God!
TMZ is reporting that Whitney Houston has joined Amy Winehouse in Heaven’s ultimate girl group in the sky. Whitney’s rep confirms that she passed away yesterday afternoon, but didn’t give anymore details. I will write more as soon as I can write more words than: SHOW ME THE RECEIPTS, JESUS!
Okay, I’m back and I still can’t believe it. When this first came up on my inbox, I thought it was a hoax and then when I read that her rep confirmed it, I had goosebumps on my nails. I thought she was going to outlive Bobb-aaaay B and everybody else. I was beyond wrong.
TMZ says that Whitney died at the Beverly Hills Hotel yesterday afternoon. It was initially reported that Ray-J is the one who found Whitney in her hotel room, but that’s not true. The paramedics were already at the hotel on an unrelated call, so they got to Whitney within minutes after somebody called 911. They tried to bring her back by giving her CPR, but it didn’t work and she was pronounced dead at 3:55pm. Both Cissy Houston and Dionne Warwick spoke with Whitney before she died and said she seemed fine.
Whitney is survived by her daughter Bobbi Kristina.
There’s really nothing for me to say except that this is really fucking sad. Whitney was all talent and when she wasn’t entertaining us with her voice, she was giving us gems like “show me the receipts” (which I use at least twice a day, right?) and “hell to the no.” This is just sad. The Grammys better scrap all of tonight’s show and give us a Whitney tribute starring only Dionne Warwick. The only person I want to hear from right now is Cousin Dionne.
