I’m not hung-over. So I have nothing to say here. Otherwise it’d be a lie…a huge fucking lie. I mean, unless I am hung-over.
I’m just so used to it. Hangovers are what make me feel normal. But normally I’m convulsing in a corner, my heart about to explode, unable to move. Maybe that’s not a hangover, but a serious disease I write off as a hangover. Meanwhile, the groggy, miserable, puking-up bile that’s become my normal daily ritual is the hangover and not just me feeling normal.
All this to say the whole thing is very confusing, stressful, and the reason I’m drinking whiskey right now. Fuck you Tuesday.
Anyhoo, here are topless pics of Kate Beckinsale from the movie “Haunted.” Enjoy, pervs!
Backstage after our performance at Capone’s last night, in walked sixteen of the hottest groupies that I had ever seen before wearing nothing but kimonos and body glitter.
Next thing I knew, we were doing zippers and zoomers, Jalepeño peppers…you name it. Suddenly one of the twins started yelling at me, “Ohmygod, your eyes are bleeding!”
So they rushed me to the hospital where I was legally dead for seventeen minutes. Finally, they shocked me back to life. I said, “Thanks doc, but I’ve got a few ladies to entertain…”
So eleven orgasms later—two and a half of them mine—the next thing I knew I was on fire, running through Greenbelt Park. It didn’t happen, but…man, that would have been a wild night!
Nina Mascunana is the kind of slut who I normally hate, but for some reason she has grown on me. I don’t know why. You see, despite the nature of this site and the fact that I have sex with hookers (only because I’m a married man and hookers leave you the fuck alone after you pay them and don’t take much effort to get them), I can’t stand trash.
I know, I know…I live in a trashcan, my wife is trash, and every pussy I’ve fucked is trash, and that’s probably the reason I can’t fucking stand it. So when all my friends are excited about a set of fake tits, or a club chick showing her cooch with no panties at the bar, or even porno, or even college kids vacationing in Boracay…I get seriously annoyed, disgusted, and have no interest in fucking them.
It’s not a gay issue, because I loooove pussy! I just like the quiet, wholesome, 25-year-old Susan Boyle-style virgins. Because being a slut, loud and putting it out there, is just too fucking easy. It’s the religious girls you have to work on. And that challenge makes fucking them exciting…at least, more exciting than being one of the many cocks these vapid bitches who think they are hotter than they are have sucked.
I know you get what I’m saying, and that is why despite Nina Mascunana representing all I hate in the world attached to one pussy and fake tits, I’m kinda eager to see her when she migrates her trash into porn. Because you know she’s built for it. And I’ll watch it. We just need a few more years to let her hotness simmer down a bit and let her fade into the irrelevant stripper hell she belongs to.
First of all, I’d like to apologize if I mistakenly gave the impression that I give a shit about the so-called “blogging community.” I don’t. I’m not part of any blogging organization, I don’t join any blogger events or activities, I’m not interested in winning any blogger awards. I’m strictly in it for the money, fuckers—cash, moolah, mucho dinero…the Benjamins, bitches.
Secondly, I’m sorry if no one reads your high concept, “wholly original,” super personal blog. Meanwhile, my piece of shit blog is getting 8,000 pageviews a day. Ouch. The irony, huh? That must really burn you up inside. No wonder you’re so pissed.
Thirdly, the Daze of My Life is about me taking the best of what the worldwide web has to offer and posting it on my site and people coming in droves to see it. The more hits I get, the bigger I charge my sponsors, the fatter my wallet gets. And if my blog also provides you, my dear readers, with a few minutes of entertainment and masturbation fodder, well…that’s just icing on the cake.
And lastly, a message to all the haters: keep on hating, just as long as you keep on reading—I don’t mind. Now excuse me while I count my sponsorship checks, thankyouverymuch.
Check out the video of a cute girl who had her massive boobs painted for a topless Halloween parade in New York and well, with those titties, it’s no wonder she stole the parade!
There is a pro surfer chick I want to have sex with and by “have sex with,” I mean “knock up so that she’s stuck with me for life.” Her name is Anastasia Ashley and her ass drives me fucking nuts and I need to see more of it…ideally dancing on my fucking face.
I generally hate all the bitches I post, but surfers are cool shit. I envy their lifestyle and want to lick the salt stains off their skin like some kind of horse in the barn. Rockin’ bodies are my weakness.
The good news is that pro surfers are a little easier to stalk than Hollywood trash with their big houses and 24-hour security cameras. With these surfer whores, all I gotta do is ask my friend in Hawaii to hit the beach with a camera, take some pics, follow her home, and I’m in.
Sure these pics aren’t tasting her pussy off my chin, but shit’s good enough for me, since I’m not in Hawaii, and can’t find whatever beach hut she’s sleeping in and crawl in bed with her pretending to be her loser boyfriend…who I like to think of as a minor obstacle between me and my new soul mate. You know, since Lindsay Lohan didn’t pan out.
Anastasia Ashley, we will end up loving each other when your gay-looking boyfriend with his “Children of the Corn” hair fucks up…and he will. I’ll be your shoulder to cry on, and your penis to cum inside you. I love you…or at least love your ass…or at least love the idea of chipping my tooth on your body.
